My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
