you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
