I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
