This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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