I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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