This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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