She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
