Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
