Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
