mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I did not marry a roomba.
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