he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What a dumb baby whore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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