she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
