:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
