weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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