I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
