I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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