Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
