When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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