I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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