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• (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.

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• (310): View more from California

  Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im here for your entertainment

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I rest my case.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I will chop off your penis

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• (845): View more from New York

  Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?

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