Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
