i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
