The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
