I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
