there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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