Too much gin, very little bucket
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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