well you can't waste a boner
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
