hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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