Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
