My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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