Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
