just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
