I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
