It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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