PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
