Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
