I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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