So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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