dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
