Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
