I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
