I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The air was thick with penises
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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