I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
