Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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