He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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