My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
