She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
