while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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