I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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