member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
